16 Aralık 2015 Çarşamba

Sena'm 7 Yasinda

Kuzucum 7 yasina girdi. Aralik ayini o yuzden cok sever oldum, Yay burcunu da. Hatta sirf yay burcu diye insanlari sever oldum. Kuzum dogumgununde Izmir'de idi bu sefer orada kutladi kuzeni dayisi, Seval ablasi,  anneanne ve dedesi ile. O gun guzel bir kahvalti yaptik deniz kenarinda martilar, kediler, kopekler, pelikanlar,  baliklar, tekneler ve muhtesem  manzara karsisinda kosturdu kuzeni ile. Sonra cok guzel bir sarap bahcesine gittik. muhtesem iki kopek ile oynadi sevdi, kosusturdu, biz saraplarimizi aldik onlar temiz havayi cektiler iclerine. Kuzum kopekleri birakip gitmek hic istemedi, ona dogumgunun icin ne dilek dilersin dedim, kocaman bahceli bir ev ve kopegim olsun dedi (ona hep bahcemiz olmadan kopegimiz olamaz dedigim icin bahceli buyuk ev hayali) Ben de eger cok istersen olur dedim.
Aksam da evde anneanne yemekleri ile parti vardi ustune kendisinin sectigi pasta ile mumlarini ufledi hediyelerini acti.
Ancak onun icin bu gercek dogumgunu degildi, o dort gozle Abu Dhabi'deki kutlamayi bekledi. Ustelik My First Gym  gibi Izmir ile asik atamayacagi bir yerde kutlamak onun icin daha cazipti, aslinda nedeni arkadaslari ile olabilmekti. Heyecanliydi, aylar oncesiden kimler gelecek listeler yapildi, el yapimi davetiyeler hazirlandi tek tek, yemek listesine karar verildi, hangi tip balonlar alinacak, nasil bir pasta olacak dusunuldu, tasarlandi. Izmir donusu sonrasi arkadaslari ile kutladi, cok sevdi memnun kaldi neyseki.  Aralik ayi dogumlu olmasi hep tatil gazabina ugratiyor, bu sefer erken kutladim tatil baslamadan ama bazi kisiler yine erken tatile ciktiklari icin gelemedi, yada Noel oncesi yogun program yuzunden ve sagolsun ne cok Aralik dogumlu cocuk varmis herkesin dogumgunu cakistigi icin bir kac sevdigi arkadasi gelemedi ama neyseki golge dusurmedi kutlamasina. Zaten atlasin, ziplasin, dans etsin, kostursun, akrobatik hareketler yapsin tam benim kizima gore seyler.

Senam nereye giderse gitsin hep AD'yi ozluyor ve burdan asla ayrilmak istemiyor. Anne this is the best area to live dedi bu aksam bana. Neden cok seviyorsun burayi dedim, my friends will miss me dedi eger giderse burdan. Ama arkadaslarinin hic biri yerli degil ki herkes eninde sonunda gidecek dedim. Hayir Farah var dedi. Dogru ama sadece bir kisi dedim. Oda Yusuf da hep burda yasayagini soylemis ona, Sena da ben de o zaman Yusufla kalirim hep dedi. Yusuf burda kalacagi icin oda kalabilirmis. Peki oteki arkadaslarin ne olacak, hem senin Turkiye'de, Italya'da , Amerika'da arkadaslarin var dedim. It is the best area to live diyor baska bir sey demiyor, komik kizim benim.

Bu gidisle zaten biraz daha kalirsak gercekten de baska yerde yasayamayacak.

Sene'nin sinifinda cok tatli guzel bir kiz var, tum cocuklar asikmis ona. Senin asik oldugun kimse var mi diyorum no! diyor. Sana asik olan var mi diyorum no, olmasin sakin diyor bana. Kizim hakikatten cok cocuk hala, arkadasina gore kiyaslayinca tam saftirik masum kaliyor. Neyse galiba cocuk kalmasi daha iyi zaten bu yasta. Peki Cairo'ya asik miydin diyorum hayir we are just friends diyor, gercekten ask mask anlamiyor hic boyle seylerden ve herkesle arkadas olmak ve oyle kalmak istiyor sadece. Kizim cok masum bir cocuk hala.

Artik ama buyuyor onu gorebiliyorum, konusmalari, soyledikleri, hareketleri, davranislari degisiyor ve hem seviniyorum hem de uzuluyorum, ne olur cabuk buyume!
Her yasina ayri hayranim ve asigim. Seninle cok az zaman gecirebiliyorum, seni simdiden ozluyorum
Buyuyup gitme fikrin simdiden beni korkutuyor, odum patliyor, burnumun diregini sizlatiyor...

Senin buyudugune yeterince sahit olamamak,  buyumeni iskalamak cok uzuyor. Bu kokusmus isi birakacagim sonunda olacagi bu!
Bir yerde okumustum, cocugun tum karakteri ilk 7 yilda olusurmus, sanki o 7 yili ben hic iyi degerlendiremedim gibi hissediyorum, sana iyi bir anne oldugumu, karakterinin gelismesinde yardimci olamadigimi hissediyorum. Az daha agliycaktim 7 oldugunda.
Okadar isterdim ki tekrar sana hamile olmayi, dogurmayi, buyutmeyi... Cok ozluyorum minik Sena'yi...
Minik Senayi ozlerken simdi ki Sena'yi iskalamakta korkum. O yuzden cok daha iyi degerlendirmem lazim bu zamanlarimi.
Basimi dondurecek kadar tatli, sevimli, eglenceli, ici icine sigmayan, bicir bicir, eli avuca sigmayan bir kiz oluyorsun, buyuyorsun tatli sevgilim benim.

Seni cok seviyorum...

Annen



13 Aralık 2015 Pazar

Hedeflerim... Sastiniz mi Ne?

Ahh ne guzel gitmisim ilk baslarda
Son zamanlarda yine dagildim
Her ay yeni bir tarif deneme, kizima gore tarifler bulup onunla  eglenceli yemekler yapma,  her ay en az bes blog yazisi ve her ay iki kitap okuma hedefim hafif sasti. Aslinda 12'den fazla yeni tarif denemisim ama bazilari cok basit oldugu icin hedefime ulasmis hissetmiyorum. 19 kitap okumusum sadece bir suru de yarim okunmus kitabim kaldi, elimde surunen kitaplari bitirmek idi hedefim iki tanesini bitirdim sadece...
Son iki haftam kaldi toparlanmak icin
Sporu hayatima soktum ve bol bol yolculuk yaptim
Her ay bir yere gitme hayalim vardi oldu sayilir. Olmazsada oldurcaz artik... Ocak, Haziran ve Eylul ayinda sadece bir yerlere gitmedim ama diger aylar yogun gecti.
Avusturya'ya (iki kez gittim) , Italya, Isvicre, Lihtestayn, Japonya, Kore,  Macaristan, Sri Lanka, Iran ve Turkiye (ilk defa bu kadar cok gittim bir yil icinde Turkiye'ye -4 kez- oh ne iyi geldi ama ) gezilerim oldu.
55 kilo olma hayalim hayal kaldi, 57 olmaya raziyim simdi, tatil donuslerinde aldiklarimi vermekle gecti bu yil ve spora ragmen cok zayiflayamadim ama daha iyi gorundugumun farkindayim. Tabii son aldigim kilolari saymazsak....
10 kilometre kostum yine, bu sene iki kez yaptim, Ocak ve Ekim aylarinda.
Ocakta Parentology kursu cok iyi geldi ama kesinlikle tekrar gitmem lazim, etkisi tahminimden daha kisa surdu, Grrrrr, kendime kiziyorum bu konuda.
Dogumgunumu 40'in ustunde bir cok ulke ve sehirde kutlama hayalim gerceklesti ama istedigim fotograf cekimlerini yaptiramadim... Bu ulkede bazi seyleri gercekten cok zor yapmak.

Iste cok yogun gececek bir iki haftam var o yuzden umarim hedeflerimi ancak Ocak ayinda yeni yil ile birlikte tekrar rayina oturtabilirim. Zaten is ne zaman yogun gecmedi ki bu yil
Yaslandirdi cokertti beni bu is... Bu isten kurtulma ve sevdigim bir is bulma hayalim gerceklesemedi bu yil yine ne yazikki ama sanki bu yil cok yol aldim bu konuda en azindan issiz kalmak korkutmuyor beni artik...
3 kisinin isini bir yildir 2 kisi yapiyoruz ve gercekten cok yorgun ve bezgin haldeyim.
2015'te is degistirme hayalim de gerceklesmedi ama 2016 sen bu isi halledersin degil mi?
Ahh birde Hydra'dan kurtulursam 2015 senin hakkin yenmez, bekledigim gibi istedigim gibi bir yil oldun, yenilik, degisiklik dolu...Kocam dondu, yeni evimize tasindik, Mesi'miz yuvadan uctu ama tatli bir Ana'miz var, Mesi'nin kizi dogdu cok mu cok tatli. 2011'de ki dilek listemde herkesin bir iki dilegini de eklemisim, Mesi bir ev ve bebek istiyorum demis, Mesi'cim gerceklesti iste dileklerin, hem evin oldu hem de bebegin ustelik kiz!
Kendim icin iyi bir yildi nispeten ancak dunya icin oyle olmadi, onun da farkindayim. 
2016 daha da iyi gecsin hepimiz icin umarim, Suriye'de savasin bitmesini, insanlarin yuvalarina donmelerini ve insanca yasamalarini yaralarini sarmalarini cok istiyorum...ben de Suriyede'ki eski gunlerime donmeyi istiyorum. Kizimin da ailesinin Suriye bacagi ile yakin olmasini diliyorum. Su an hersey cok kopuk...

Izmir

Bu guzel sehiri tanimaya calisiyorum, once kardesim yerlesti, sonra annemleri yerlestirdim, simdi sira bende galiba...
Mr. G'ninde aklina cok yatiyor oraya yerlesmek
Benim icinde sorun yok da daha emekli hayatina gecmek icin cok erken yastayiz. Gerci orasi hem emekli yeri hem de genclerin yeri sanki her nekadar is olanaginin cok oldugu bir yer olmasada.
Simdilik senede bir iki gun gidip birbirimize alismaya calisiyoruz. Yazin Bodrum aramizi bozuyor cunku orda kalinca tatilde firsat kalmiyor Izmir'i ve etrafindaki guzel yerleri gezmeyi, kesfetmeyi.. Sirince, Foca gozumde tutuyor. Bu sene dedimki her sene Istanbul'a sakladigim islerim antin kuntin isler aslinda ama Abu Dhabi'de felaket oldugu icin beceremedikleri icin gereksiz pahali oldugu icin Istanbul'a kalan islerimi Izmir'de halledeyim dedim ama Izmir sinifta kaldi maalesef. Tek iyi tarafi varis doktorumun Izmir'de yasiyor olmasi artik. O yuzden Izmir'e alisma donemim zaman alacak ve Istanbul'dan kolay kolay vazgecemiyecegim.  Zaten beni Istanbul'a baglayan daha cok sey var.
Istanbul'u es gecmek iyi gelmedi,  islerim yarim kaldi, zaten yazin da es gecmistim. Mart ayinda gittigimle kaldim bu sene. Yok olmuyor, istanbul'u en az bir mumkunse iki gun yapmak lazim. Simdi sabirsizlikla kis veya kis sonu gibi yapacagim Istanbul kacamagimi bekliyorum ama Izmir seni de yakindan tanimayi ve sevmeyi cok istiyorum!!! Bana Istanbul imkansiz askimi unutturabilir misin???


Anneanne

Benim anneannem, Sena'nin buyuk anneannesi ile tanismasindan bahsedecegim. Yaslaniyor muyum ne bilemiyorum dedim bunca yil oldu kizim hala akrabalarimi tanimiyor, ozellikle 91 yasina gelmis anneannemi gormesini cok istedim bu sene, eger Alah korusun vefat ederse vicdanim cok sizlardi, onlari ihmal ediyorum maalesef, iyiki gitmisiz, sevgili Mr. G. sagolsun onun sayesinde gerceklesti bu ziyaret aslinda.
Anneannem cok sevindi, artik olsem gam yemem bile dedi. Cok tatli ve tontondu. Annem hinziri gelmedi gelseydi 4 jenerasyon foto cektircektim, onun yerine teyzelerimle cektirdik.
Annem biz geliyoruz diye gelmedi ama Mr. G annene bilet al gelsin bizimle doner dedi ama son ana birakinca Iran'dan bilet ayarlama telasina dusemedim artik. Teyzem annenin yerinde olsam ucardim buraya gelirdim, bu firsati kacirmazdim dedi ama kacirdi...
Bir daha nasip olur mu bilemiyorum. Senam da sevindi ama asil ayni gun kendi anneannesini gorecegi icin daha cok heyecanliydi annemi cok ozlemis, anneanne diye sayikladi zaten yavrum. Anneme anane senin anneni gorduk, 9 ve 1 yasindaymis demis, 91 demek istiyor. Birde bal yapan adam vardi dedi, kuzenim aricilik yapiyor onu da oyle tanitmis bahsetmis, cok sirin cok gulduk. Anneannem biraz sessiz ve buruk gibiydi. Koyune gitmeyi cok istiyormus ama zor yurudugu icin oralar onun icin cok zormus. Teyzem Allah razi olsun ona bakiyor, soyleme ama seneye goturmeye caliscam, simdi soylersem heyecanlanacak gidene kadar basimin etini yer dedi, son anda olmazsa uzulmesin diye soylemiyor, ama anneannem gercekten cok sikiliyor ve koyunu ozluyor.
Gecen sene gideceklermis sonra teyzem cok zor olacak diye vazgecmis ve anneannem cok uzulmus bozulmus. Onun bu istegini yerine getirmeyi cok isterim aslinda, teyzemle konusup yardim etmem lazim. Aslinda kizimi  ve esimi de goturmek isterim. Off yapacak cok sey ama cok az zaman var.
Yalniz anliyorum ki bazi seyleri cok ertelememek lazim artik hayatta, hayat kisa ve gunluk telaslarin aileler arasina girmesine izin vermemek lazim, ailemize zaman ayirip onlari ihmal etmemek lazim.
Allah yardimcilari olsun, umarim dilegin gercek olur anneannem ve koyune kavusursun hayatta iken.

Abu Dhabi'de Aralik

Kasim ayi yogun gecer demistim bu ulkede ama Aralik ayi daha da yogun geciyor. Kizimin dogumgunu, Noel ve yeni yil telasi, otellerin agac isiklandirma, ginger bread yapma telasi, sonra early xmas drink ve yemekler, marketler, okulun Noel kutlamalari, konserleri ust uste gelince neye yetisecegini sasiriyor insan.
Bizim geleneksel hindi siparisimiz olur, ya xmas donemi ya yeni yil donemi. Bayiliyorum o hindiye ve asil yanindaki kestaneye, sosisine, patatese, cranberry ve gravy sosuna
Bu sene ustune yine tatil telasi girince iyice yogun geciyor Aralik ayi.
Kuzum'un dogumgunu haftasi Iran ve Izmir yaptik, Istanbul'da kisaca durup anneannem ile tanisilmaya gidildi, Sena'yi hic gormemisti fotograflar disinda , cok memnun kaldi sevindi, teyzemlerle tanisildi. Senam da tam utangacligindan vazgecip aciliyordu ki ucak saatimiz geldi kalkmak zorunda kaldik. Izmir'de dayi, kuzen, anneanne ve dede ile bulusuldu, guzelim Izmir'in tadi cikarildi yemekleri yendi ve dogumgunu kutlanildi. Cennet gibi bir yer, ben de islerimi orada halletmeye calisip Istanbul bagimliligimdan kurtulmaya calistim ama pek basarili olamadim. Istanbul ah ben seni biraksam sen beni birakmiyorsun. Boylece hem Kasim hem de Aralik ayina sarken iki yolculuk yapmis olduk. Bu sene vision board'umda hayalimde bol bol yolculuk vardi neyseki bir ulke disinda cogugunu yapabildim.
Simdi Ocak ayinda sira. Buda bir ilk normalde ne Aralik ne Ocak ayinda yolculuk yapmam, aslinda Eylul'den sonra hava isinana kadar yapmam ama bu sene oyle oldu. Havalar guzelken burda olmayi seviyorum ama tatil askima da engel olamadim.
Normalde hep uzak durdugum bu ulkenin Ulusal gununde ilk kez burda olmayi istedim ama olamadi, nedeni de evimiz EP'nin tam karsisi, corniche' e cok yakin ve biraz yuruyup eglenceleri izlemek ve evime yuruyerek gidebilme luksune sahip olmak istedim ve ustune EP'deki havai fisek gosterilerini evimin balkonunda izlemek istemistim ama tatile gidecegimiz tuttu. Ustelik eglenceli F1 kalabaligini ve konserleri de kacirdim. Bir sonraki seneye artik hala burada isek...

30 Kasım 2015 Pazartesi

Iran

Kasim ayinda esimin dilinden dusurmedigi Iran'a gitme sansimiz oldu daha dogrusu sansini yarattik. Isfahan'a gittik. Cok iyi gecti tahminimden daha iyiydi. Iran'a gidiyorum dedigimde hakli olarak herkesin verdigi tepkiler ayniydi. Aslinda hem hakli hem haksiz olarak demeliyim cunku duydugumuz felaket haberlerinden cok farkli bir Iran karsiladi bizi. Turk olmamizin bir etkisi var mi bilmiyorum ama oyle olsa bir suru gordugum Asya'li, Avrupali ve Amerikali turistler icin  de eminim oyledir ki rahat rahat dolasiyorlardi. Tabii onlar tur acentasi ile geziyorlardi biz ozgur ve cesur ruh olarak turla gitmedik her isimizi kendimiz gorduk yada arkadaslarimiz sagolsun onlar yardim ettiler.
Iran'da olan eminim bir suru korkunc olay vardir ama o imaj koca bir toplulugu karalamis oluyor cunku benim zaten bildigim ama gidipte ustune gordugum kadariyla cok iyi egitimli , acik goruslu bir suru insani var.
Genel olarak onlarinda halinden memnun olmadigi acikca goruluyor. Istanbul'da tanismis oldugum iki guzel Iran'li arkadasimdan da zaten ic yuzunu ogrenmistim.
Onlarda mutsuzlardi rejimden ama yapabilecekleri pek bir sey olmadigi icin hayatlarina bir sekilde devam ediyorlardi.
Kadinlari gercekten guzel, ve iyi giyiniyorlar. Dar kiyafetler giyenler var ama ustune mutlaka dizlerin ustune kadar gelen bir pardesu veya kazak giymen gerekiyor. Dar olmasinda sorun yok ama her kadinda vardi o pardesuler. Yada onun gibi uzun gomlekler falan. Saclarina da esarp mecbur ama saclarin onden gorunmesi sorun degil, ful makyaj da sorun degil.
Yemekleri guzeldi, tarihi guzeldi, ustune de beni yasakli yerlerin cekmesi gibi bir durum mevcuttu.
Mistik, otantik bir havasi vardi yada bana oyle geldi ama beni buyuledi bir sekilde. Ustelik en guzel yerlerini bile gormedim. Umarim tekrar gidecegiz. Tabii sadece gezmeye, yasamak istemem
Zaten dillerine hayrandim, o dilin sesi beni cok buyuluyor cok hosuma gidiyor siir gibi sarki gibi  geliyor. Fransiz, Italyan dilleri niye populer anlamiyorum, ben Fars diline hayranim. Cok guzel bir sesi var, sokakta insanlari dinleyip mest oluyordum.
Turkleri seviyorlar genelde, iyi ev sahipleri, Iran pis insanlari kaba dedi bazi kisiler ama ben oyle bulmadim hic. Kaldigimiz otelde harika bir tarihi eserdi, muzelik bir yerdi.
Halilarimizi aldik, esim tavlalarini aldi, tekrar ne zaman gideriz diye dusunmekteyiz.
Bir sonraki yolculugumuz daha yorucu olacak cunku araba ile gezmemiz gereken uzak yerler var.
Iran'da araba yolculugu pek istekli oldugum bir sey degil ama ucaga binmekten iyidir herhalde diyerek mecbur kalacagiz.
Gittigimiz yerleri yazacagim bir ara
27-30 Kasim arasi ordaydik. Aslinda 30 Kasim ilk saatlerinde havadaydik. 2.5 gun kaldik sadece.
Gaz (bir secit tatli-biz de de benzeri var) guzeldi, safranli fistikli dondurmasi, o guzelim corbasi- heryerde satiliyordu sokaklarda- eti , ismini hatirlamadigim tavuklu nar soslu yemegi ve tatli etli yogurtlu giris yemegi cok guzeldi.
Senam da begendi ozellikle hali konusunda baya bilgi sahibi oldu. Her misafirimize halilari gosteriyor tipki halicidaki calisanlar gibi simdi ters ceviriyorsun, simdi burdan bakinca daha koyu, burdan bakinca daha acik renk oluyor gibi duydugu bilgileri paylasiyor onlarla.
Yavrum tam bir gezgin oldu artik.

13 Kasım 2015 Cuma

Abu Dhabi'de Kasim Ayi

Kasim ayi guzeldir bu ulkede
Hava serinlemistir
F1 telasi baslamistir
Sanat festivali
Bilim festivali olur
Ahhh ahhh eskiden ne guzel film festivali de olurdu, uhu uhu... festivali kaldiranin ...#$$^^&%&^
Birde kocamin dogumgunu vardir
Ustune yeni bakicimizin dogumgunu de Kasim ayindaymis
Birde nedense arkadaslarimin cocuklarinin eslerinin dogumgunleri de genelde Kasim ayi
O yuzden bol partili bir ay geciriyoruz yine
Akrep burcu erkek ve kadinlarini daha cok erkek taniyorum galiba, cok severim
Esim, en yakin erkek arkadaslarim akrep burcudur
Bu sene ne yapayim ozel esime diye dusunurken tekne turuna karar verdim
Cok da iyi etmisim basta esim ve kendim olmak uzere tum misafirlerimiz cok eglendi.. Hmmm bu cumle kulaga biraz tuhaf geldi ama oyle onemli olan benim eglenmem he he...
Bol bol ictik dansettik
Denizde temiz havada olmak cok iyi geldi dostlarimizla
Herkes kaynasti sevdi birbirini
Cocuksuz keyif yaptik
Ben acik hava mi icki mi ruzgar mi bilmiyorum ama bir saatin sonunda sarhos olmustum ustune dans eklendigin de iki saat sonra yemek kismini atlayip eve gitmek zorunda kaldim, neyseki baska bir erkek arkadasimiz da benimla ayni durumdaydi cok komik iki ergen gibi olduk ama eglendik onemli olan o ve misafirlerimiz de eglendi. Kizim ve ondan bir iki yas buyuk bir arkadasi vardi Norah, o da onunla eglendi ve en guzeli bize DJ'lik ettiler hem de tekneyi kullandilar kaptan onlarin kullanmasina izin verdi, cok guzel ve sevimlilerdi. Tek sorun tekne gezimizin kisa surmesi oldu.
Esimin kendi gercek dogumgununde en sevdigimiz restoranda yemek yiyecektik ama hasta oldugu icin bir sey yapamadik, iyiki bir hafta once kutlamisiz...
Konusmasi cok sirindi, surpriz yaptim gercekten bilmiyordu , dogumgununu kutlayacagimizi, nereye gidecegimizi, kimlerin gelecegini yada ne zaman olacagini bilmiyordu. Arkadasim tekne gezisi ayarlamis diye goturdum onu. Orayi gittigimizde anladi herkes mutlu yillar diyince. Ama konusmasinda bu hafta veya onumuzdeki haftaya benden bir kutlama bekledigini o yuzden tam da surpriz olmadigini, ne de olsa bir ekonomist oldugunu ve tahminde bulunmanin onun isi oldugunu, bu her ne kadar her zaman dogru tahminlerde bulundugu anlamina gelmesede bir beklentisinin oldugunu falan anlatti, cok komikti.
Nice mutlu saglikli huzur dolu eglenceli boy seyahatli bol kazancli kizimizla birlikte doya doya gecirecegimiz yillar dilerim kocacigim!














Cok Komik Bir Yazi

http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck


In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And those fucks I have not given have made all the difference.
People often say the key to confidence and success in life is to simply “not give a fuck.” Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given. Like “Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasn’t going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.”
Chances are you know somebody in your life who, at one time or another, did not give a fuck and went on to accomplish amazing feats. Perhaps there was a time in your life where you simply did not give a fuck and excelled to some extraordinary heights. I know for myself, quitting my day job in finance after only six weeks and telling my boss that I was going to start selling dating advice online ranks pretty high up there in my own “didn’t give a fuck” hall of fame. Same with deciding to sell most of my possessions and move to South America. Fucks given? None. Just went and did it.
Everybody just wants to be liked and accepted. Except for Tim. Tim doesn't give a fuck.
Now, while not giving a fuck may seem simple on the surface, it’s a whole new bag of burritos under the hood. I don’t even know what that sentence means, but I don’t give a fuck. A bag of burritos sounds awesome, so let’s just go with it.
The point is, most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many fucks in situations where fucks do not deserve to be given. We give a fuck about the rude gas station attendant who gave us too many nickels. We give a fuck when a show we liked was canceled on TV. We give a fuck when our coworkers don’t bother asking us about our awesome weekend. We give a fuck when it’s raining and we were supposed to go jogging in the morning.
Fucks given everywhere. Strewn about like seeds in mother-fucking spring time. And for what purpose? For what reason? Convenience? Easy comforts? A pat on the fucking back maybe?
This is the problem, my friend.
Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.
Indeed, the ability to reserve our fucks for only the most fuckworthy of situations would surely make life a hell of a lot easier. Failure would be less terrifying. Rejection less painful. Unpleasant necessities more pleasant and the unsavory shit sandwiches a little bit more savory. I mean, if we could only give a few less fucks, or a few more consciously-directed fucks, then life would feel pretty fucking easy.
What we don’t realize is that there is a fine art of non-fuck-giving. People aren’t just born not giving a fuck. In fact, we’re born giving way too many fucks. Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? Exactly. Fuck that kid.
Developing the ability to control and manage the fucks you give is the essence of strength and integrity. We must craft and hone our lack of fuckery over the course of years and decades. Like a fine wine, our fucks must age into a fine vintage, only uncorked and given on the most special fucking occasions.
This may sound easy. But it is not. Most of us, most of the time, get sucked in by life’s mean trivialities, steamrolled by its unimportant dramas; we live and die by the sidenotes and distractions and vicissitudes that suck the fucks out of us like Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang.
This is no way to live, man. So stop fucking around. Get your fucks together. And here, allow me to fucking show you.

SUBTLETY #1: NOT GIVING A FUCK DOES NOT MEAN BEING INDIFFERENT; IT MEANS BEING COMFORTABLE WITH BEING DIFFERENT

When most people envision giving no fucks whatsoever, they envision a kind of perfect and serene indifference to everything, a calm that weathers all storms.
This is misguided. There’s absolutely nothing admirable or confident about indifference. People who are indifferent are lame and scared. They’re couch potatoes and internet trolls. In fact, indifferent people often attempt to be indifferent because in reality they actually give too many fucks. They are afraid of the world and the repercussions of their own choices. Therefore, they make none. They hide in a grey emotionless pit of their own making, self-absorbed and self-pitied, perpetually distracting themselves from this unfortunate thing demanding their time and energy called life.
My mother was recently screwed out of a large chunk of money by a close friend of hers. Had I been indifferent, I would have shrugged my shoulders, sipped some mocha and downloaded another season of The Wire. Sorry mom.
But instead, I was indignant. I was pissed off. I said, “No, screw that mom, we’re going to lawyer the fuck up and go after this asshole. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck. I will ruin this guy’s life if I have to.”
This illustrates the first subtlety about not giving a fuck. When we say, “Damn, watch out, Mark Manson just don’t give a fuck,” we don’t mean that Mark Manson doesn’t care about anything; on the contrary, what we mean is that Mark Manson doesn’t care about adversity in the face of his goals, he doesn’t care about pissing some people off to do what he feels is right or important or noble. What we mean is that Mark Manson is the type of guy who would write about himself in third person and use the word ‘fuck’ in an article 127 different times just because he thought it was the right thing to do. He just doesn’t give a fuck.
This is what is so admirable — no, not me, dumbass — the overcoming adversity stuff. The staring failure in the face and shoving your middle finger back at it. The people who don’t give a fuck about adversity or failure or embarrassing themselves or shitting the bed a few times. The people who just laugh and then do it anyway. Because they know it’s right. They know it’s more important than them and their own feelings and their own pride and their own needs. They say “Fuck it,” not to everything in life, but rather they say “Fuck it” to everything unimportant in life. They reserve their fucks for what truly fucking matters. Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos. And an occasional lawsuit or two. And because of that, because they reserve their fucks for only the big things, the important things, people give a fuck about them in return.
Frank Zappa Quote: I don't give a fuck if they remember me at all.

SUBTLETY #2: TO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ADVERSITY, YOU MUST FIRST GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ADVERSITY

Eric Hoffer once wrote: “A man is likely to mind his own business when it is worth minding. When it is not, he takes his mind off his own meaningless affairs by minding other people’s business.”
The problem with people who hand out fucks like ice cream at a goddamn summer camp is that they don’t have anything more fuckworthy to dedicate their fucks to.
Think for a second. You’re at a grocery store. And there’s an elderly lady screaming at the cashier, berating him for not accepting her 30-cent coupon. Why does this lady give a fuck? It’s just 30 cents.
Well, I’ll tell you why. That old lady probably doesn’t have anything better to do with her days than to sit at home cutting out coupons all morning. She’s old and lonely. Her kids are dickheads and never visit. She hasn’t had sex in over 30 years. Her pension is on its last legs and she’s probably going to die in a diaper thinking she’s in Candyland. She can’t fart without extreme lower back pain. She can’t even watch TV for more than 15 minutes without falling asleep or forgetting the main plotline.
So she snips coupons. That’s all she’s got. It’s her and her damn coupons. All day, every day. It’s all she can give a fuck about because there is nothing else to give a fuck about. And so when that pimply-faced 17-year-old cashier refuses to accept one of them, when he defends his cash register’s purity the way knights used to defend maidens’ virginities, you can damn well bet granny is going to erupt and verbally hulk smash his fucking face in. Eighty years of fucks will rain down all at once, like a fiery hailstorm of “Back in my day” and “People used to show more respect” stories, boring the world around her to tears in her creaking and wobbly voice.
If you find yourself consistently giving too many fucks about trivial shit that bothers you — your ex-girlfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another 2-for-1 sale on hand sanitizer — chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate fuck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer.
Way too many fucks given.
Way too many fucks given.
In life, our fucks must be spent on something. There really is no such thing as not giving a fuck. The question is simply how we each choose to allot our fucks. You only get a limited number of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. As my father used to say, “Fucks don’t grow on trees, Mark.” OK, he never actually said that. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Fucks are cultivated like a beautiful fucking garden, where if you fuck shit up and the fucks get fucked, then you’ve fucking fucked your fucks all the fuck up.

SUBTLETY #3: WE ALL HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF FUCKS TO GIVE; PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE AND WHO YOU GIVE THEM TO

When we’re young, we have tons of energy. Everything is new and exciting. And everything seems to matter so much. Therefore, we give tons of fucks. We give a fuck about everything and everyone — about what people are saying about us, about whether that cute boy/girl called us back or not, about whether our socks match or not or what color our birthday balloon is.
As we get older, we gain experience and begin to notice that most of these things have little lasting impact on our lives. Those people’s opinions we cared about so much before have long been removed from our lives. We’ve found the love we need and so those embarrassing romantic rejections cease to mean much anymore. We realize how little people pay attention to the superficial details about us and we focus on doing things more for ourselves rather than for others.
Bunk Moreland, not giving a fuck since 2002.
Bunk Moreland, not giving a fuck since 2002.
Essentially, we become more selective about the fucks we’re willing to give. This is something called ‘maturity.’ It’s nice, you should try it sometime. Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy. As Bunk Moreland said in The Wire (which, fuck you, I still downloaded it) to his partner Detective McNulty: “That’s what you get for giving a fuck when it wasn’t your turn to give a fuck.”
Then, as we grow older and enter middle age, something else begins to change. Our energy levels drop. Our identities solidify. We know who we are and we no longer have a desire to change what now seems inevitable in our lives.
And in a strange way, this is liberating. We no longer need to give a fuck about everything. Life is just what it is. We accept it, warts and all. We realize that we’re never going to cure cancer or go to the moon or feel Jennifer Aniston’s tits. And that’s OK. Life fucking goes on. We now reserve our ever-dwindling fucks only for the most truly fuckworthy parts of our lives: our families, our best friends, our golf swing. And to our astonishment, this is enough. This simplification actually makes us really fucking happy.
frankly-my-dear
Then somehow, one day, much later, we wake up and we’re old. And along with our gum lines and our sex drive, our ability to give a fuck has receded to the point of non-existence. In the twilight of our days, we carry out a paradoxical existence where we no longer have the energy to give a fuck about the big things in life, and instead we must dedicate the few fucks we have left to the simple and mundane yet increasingly difficult aspects of our lives: where to eat lunch, doctors appointments for our creaky joints, 30-cent discounts at the supermarket, and driving without drifting to sleep and killing a parking lot full of orphans. You know, practical concerns.
Then one day, on our deathbed, (hopefully) surrounded by the people we gave the majority of our fucks to throughout our life, and those few who still give a fuck about us, with a silent gasp we will gently let our last fuck go. Through the tears and the gently fading beeps of the heart monitor and the ever-dimming fluorescence encapsulating us in its divine hospital halo, we drift into some unknowable and unfuckable place.

Kasim Ayi Tarifleri


Isin kolayina kactim ama bu ayda, calismalarim devam edecektir


Kale chips

3 degisik sos ile yapabilirsiniz
Yapraklari kabugundan ayir ortadaki kalin kismi cikart at, sadece yapraklari kalsin, buyuk parcalara ayir
1.     Sos –Acili
2tbs chili powder
¼ cup paprika
2tbs brown sugar
1tbsp garlic powder
1tbs salt
½ tbs dry mustard
Bu malzemeleri karistir, sonra kale ustune dok karistir ve bir tepsiye koy altina kagitda koy yanmaz yapismayan yagli kagitlardan ,uzerine kaleler ve spray yag ile yag koy ustune ve firina at 200 derecede 6-8 dakika pisir


2.     Salt and vinegar

2tbs vinegar
1tbs olive oil
Karistir kale ustune dok

3.     Onion and sour cream sos
1/3 cup macadamia nuts
½ onion
½ tbsp salt
3tbsp lemon juice
½ cup water

Hespini blenderdan gecir ve kale icinde karistir ve firina ver

Ici ispanakli peynirli enginarla doldurulmus ekmek
Bir paket cream cheese-krm peignoir
Rendelenmis Mozerella peyniri
Ispanak
Artichoke hearts
Garlic powder, ben taze sarimsak ezip koydum
biraz tuz-unuttum koymayi ama hic tuzsuz olmadi
Karistir iyice ezip
Uzun bir ekmegi kes icini cikart ve bu karisimi icine koy
Sonra daha ince dilemlere kes ekmekleri
Firinin icindeki tepsinin altina aliminyum folyo yerlestirdikten sonra ekmekleri koy yan yana dizilmis sekilde ve ustune su karisimi sur
Melted butter
Garlic
Parsley
Sonra aliminyum folyo katla ve firina ver 20 dakika pisir
Cikart ustune biraz daha parsley dok ve servis et sicak sicak

26 Ekim 2015 Pazartesi

Screw Finding Your Passion


Bu yaziyi cok begendim ve burada da kayitli olsun istedim. Birde her ay  yazi cikarma derdindeyim ve yazacak bir sey bulamiyorum...
Tam da benim tutkum ne ben neyi iyi yaparim, niye yapamiyorum sevdigim zevk aldigim bir isim olsun, olacak mi bir gun diye debelenirken bu yazi cikti karsima, bir nedeni olsa gerek...
Remember back when you were a kid? You would just do things. You never thought to yourself, “What are the relative merits of learning baseball versus football?” You just ran around the playground and played baseball and football. You built sand castles and played tag and asked silly questions and looked for bugs and dug up grass and pretended you were a sewer monster.
Nobody told you to do it, you just did it. You were led merely by your curiosity and excitement.
And the beautiful thing was, if you hated baseball, you just stopped playing it. There was no guilt involved. There was no arguing or debate. You either liked it, or you didn’t.
And if you loved looking for bugs, you just did that. There was no second-level analysis of, “Well, is looking for bugs really what I should be doing with my time as a child? Nobody else wants to look for bugs, does that mean there’s something wrong with me? How will looking for bugs affect my future prospects?”
There was no bullshit. If you liked something, you just did it.
Today I received approximately the 11,504th email this year from a person telling me that they don’t know what to do with their life. And like all of the others, this person asked me if I had any ideas of what they could do, where they could start, where to “find their passion.”
And of course, I didn’t respond. Why? Because I have no fucking clue. If you don’t have any idea what to do with yourself, what makes you think some jackass with a website would? I’m a writer, not a fortune teller.
But more importantly, what I want to say to these people is this: that’s the whole point — “not knowing” is the whole fucking point. Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. All of it. And it’s not going to get any easier just because you found out you love your job cleaning septic tanks or you scored a dream gig writing indie movies.
The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’
I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.
It’s right there in front of you, you’re just avoiding it. For whatever reason, you’re avoiding it. You’re telling yourself, “Oh well, yeah, I love comic books but that doesn’t count. You can’t make money with comic books.”
Fuck you, have you even tried?
The problem is not a lack of passion for something. The problem is productivity. The problem is perception. The problem is acceptance.
The problem is the, “Oh, well that’s just not a realistic option,” or “Mom and Dad would kill me if I tried to do that, they say I should be a doctor” or “That’s crazy, you can’t buy a BMW with the money you make doing that.”
The problem isn’t passion. It’s never passion.
It’s priorities.
And even then, who says you need to make money doing what you love? Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every fucking second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world turned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?
Look, here’s another slap in the face for you: every job sucks sometimes. There’s no such thing as some passionate activity that you will never get tired of, never get stressed over, never complain about. It doesn’t exist. I am living my dream job (which happened by accident, by the way. I never in a million years planned on this happening; like a kid on a playground I just went and tried it), and I still hate about 30% of it. Some days more.
Again, that’s just life.
The issue here is, once again, expectations. If you think you’re supposed to be working 70-hour work weeks and sleeping in your office like Steve Jobs and loving every second of it, you’ve been watching too many shitty movies. If you think you’re supposed to wake up every single day dancing out of your pajamas because you get to go to work, then you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid. Life doesn’t work like that. It’s just unrealistic. There’s a thing most of us need called balance.
I have a friend who, for the last three years, has been trying to build an online businessselling whatever. It hasn’t been working. And by not working, I mean he’s not even launching anything. Despite years of “work” and saying he’s going to do this or that, nothing actually ever gets done.
What does get done is when one of his former co-workers comes to him with a design job to create a logo or design some promotional material for an event. Holy shit, he’s all over that like flies on fresh cow shit.
And he does a great job! He stays up to 4:00 AM losing himself working on it and loving every second of it.
But then two days later it’s back to, “Man, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
I meet so many people like him. He doesn’t need to find his passion. His passion already found him. He’s just ignoring it. He just refuses to believe it’s viable. He is just afraid of giving it an honest-to-god try.
It’s like a nerdy kid walking onto a playground and saying, “Well, bugs are really cool, but NFL players make more money, so I should force myself to play football every day,” and then coming home and complaining that he doesn’t like recess.
And that’s bullshit. Everybody likes recess. The problem is that he’s arbitrarily choosing to limit himself based on some bullshitty ideas he got into his head about success and what he’s supposed to do.
Another email I get all the time is from people wanting advice on how to become a writer.
And my answer is the same: I have no fucking idea.
As a kid, I would write short stories in my room for fun. As a teenager, I would write music reviews and essays about bands I loved and then show them to nobody. Once the internet came around, I spent hours upon hours on forums writing multi-page posts about inane topics – everything from guitar pickups to the causes of the Iraq War.
I never considered writing as a potential career. I never even considered it a hobby or passion. To me, the things I wrote about were my passion: music, politics, philosophy. Writing was just something I did because I felt like it.
And when I had to go looking for a career I could fall in love with, I didn’t have to look far. In fact, I didn’t have to look at all. It chose me, in a way. It was already there. Already something I was doing every day, since I was a kid, without even thinking about it.
Because here’s another point that might make a few people salty: If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.
If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.
It didn’t occur to me that writing 2,000 word posts on forums was something nobody else considered fun. It never occurred to my friend that designing a logo is something that most people don’t find easy or fun. To him, it’s so natural that he can’t even imagine it being otherwise. And that’s why it’s probably what he really should be doing.
A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, “How do I find fun?” She just goes and has fun.
If you have to look for what you enjoy in life, then you’re not going to enjoy anything.
And the real truth is that you already enjoy something. You already enjoy many things. You’re just choosing to ignore them.

Abu Dhabi'de 10 Yil

ACABA KIM???

10 years ago exactly today a young, beautiful, innocent, newlywed woman came to Abu Dhabi. She has worked hard, gave birth to an amazing girl, made good friends, had her good days, bad days...She has spent all her 30 sth years in this island (doesn't know if it is a good thing or bad thing yet) According to the legend she still is hovering around in the town with additional Abu Dhabi weights (it is harder than baby weight to lose) Dust, humidity and heat might have damaged her brain just a tiny little bit but that is acceptable.
Can you guess who she is?
P.S. By the way she is still beautiful 😉

Pink Run ve Korea

Her ay ya yeni bir ulkeye gitmek yada farkli bir sey yaparak ogrenerek deneyerek gecirme hedefim fena gitmiyor. Ekim ayinda 10 kilometre kostum 1 saat 6 dakika ve 58 saniye ile, hava hala sicakti, ama cok zorlanmadim, sadece gecen sefer 1 saat 5 dakikada kosmusum ben 1 saat 10 dakika saniyordum cok sevinmistim rekorumu kirdim diye ama kiramamisim ustelik sporu hayatima duzenli soktugum ve cok daha iyi bir durumda olmama ragmen Ocak basinda hic spor ve hazirlik yapmadan kosmama ragmen daha kisa kosmusum, tuhaf... Herneyse iyiki katilmisim, cok memnun kaldim.
Bu ay Korea Festivali vardi son 4 senedir katiliyorum cok seviyorum hem yemeklerini, muzigini ,filmlerini , Nanta gosterisini, kulturunu, insanlarini, ulusal kiyafetlerini herseyine bayiliyorum. Mayis ayinda 1.5 gunluk Seoul ziyaretim ne kadar hakli oldugumu gosterdi, Turkleri cok seviyorlar cok vefakarlar ve buda benim icin cok onemli bir meziyet. Size, kimchi'ye dunyanin en lezzetli etinize, kulturunuzu korumaniza, durust olmaniza, caliskan olmaniza hayranim. Tekrar gitmek umidiyle.
Ode to My Father film cok guzzled ama cok da uzucuydu, konseri de cok keyifliydi Senam bile hic sIkIlmadan sonuna kadar izledi.
P.S Bu senede cikmadi ucak biletim ama seneye benim olacak!

Ekim Kitap

Bu ayin kitaplari
Fi bitti ama cok abartilmis bir kitap bence, Ci'yi okumayi dusunmuyorum. Simdi de Fureya'yi okuyorum, cabuk okunuyor ama galiba bitiremiyecegim bu ay sonuna kadar. Sirada daha cok kitabim var, roman yerine biyografi ve kisisel gelisim kitaplarina agirlik verecegim, elimdekileri bir an once bitirmem lazim.

30 Eylül 2015 Çarşamba

Sri Lanka


Harika bir ulke, tahminimden daha cok begendim
Cok yesil, insanlari iyi, tahminimden cok daha temiz, her turlu degisik attractions var
Tekrar gitmeyi cok isterim cunku goremedigim yerler var
Zaman ayirmak lazim
Yol yolculugu yapmak gerekiyor mesafeler uzun yollar dolambacli ve tek serit oldugu icin zaman aliyor biryerden bir yere gitmek.

Gordugum Yerler
Pinnawala Elephant Orphanage
Nuwara Eliya
The Temple of the Tooth, Sena ile ciplak ayakla yagmur camur icinde gittik girdik pek bir sey goremeden donduk, disin yanindan bile gecirmiyorlar, Senam cok hayal kirikligina ugradi.
Galle Face Green
Kandy Lake
Hikkaduwa beach-yolda araba ile gectik
Sigiriya Rock
Spice Garden
Visit a Waterfall
Tea Factory
Royal Botanic Gardens, Kandy
Gem Lapidory ve Dance/Cultural show
Turtle Hatchery
Colombo city tour
Habarana Safari

Kaldigimiz Oteller
Grand Hotel, Nuwara Eliya
Mahaweli Reach Hotel, Kandy
Vivanta By Taj,Bentota
Saman Villas’da Bentota da yemek yedik

Gormek istedigim yerler
Dambulla Cave Temple- cok yakinindaydik ama zamansizliktan be plansizliktan gidemedik, onunden gectik, Kady’den Sigiriya giderken yol ustunde, bir kac tane de guze temple var o yol uzerinde
Yala Natioal Park Uzakti vaktimiz yoktu, safari icin guzel
Trincomalee
Adam’s peak
National Museum of Colombo-yanina gittik icine girmedik